Before you were born

My name is Morón. I belong to the Jana house, official in the School of the Accesses, group of Varanto. I am Master Alterator in the function of lumps beater. Everything I tell in this story belongs to the world before you were born. I don’t know why I remember it, I just know that it oppresses my soul like lava in the bowels of a volcano. That’s why I need to leave my interior, that precipitates down the slope and forms part of the crust of the present. Where are you, dear reader.

I was born in Kólob with the arch of the fourth era and my parents were Jana and the Great Gnolaum. Although I keep the memory of belonging earlier to the belly of the dark ocean of intelligence. In its interior I had a latent childhood; with the sensation of floating and penetrating into the unknown cavities of that mysterious place. My consciousness, like virgin sand, had no trace of thought and my face was unknown to me. My heart did not know the beat of any emotion that was lost in those waters.

That dark sea borders my Father’s abode like a nearby lake. My Father is a man of the sea. From time to time he would say goodbye to us and enter the dark waters towards an uncertain destiny.

I remember one afternoon when I saw him walking away on those slow, impersonal waves. Terrifying waters that I would one day have to know if I followed my training as Master Alterator. Frightened I looked at my mother Jana, and in the look the question: will dad come back? unlike other afternoons, she answered me with her breezy voice.

—1—

— Before we had our own home your Father and I came to this shore of the dark where our abode is now. The great ocean of intelligence was neither created nor made, nor can it be (1). Your Father approached its shores for the first time to pray and establish a covenant. He presented the guarantees of our lineage and his priesthood. It took almost a year to recapitulate our long journey from the birthplace of Telim, in whose plan we obtained a body, and to show the ordinances and their key words.(2)

As he narrated our ascent in the disciplines of salvation and exaltation, the waves of the dark ocean slowed its rhythm, ecstatic in his words. It was they who drank from his mouth as he recounted the long journey from Telim’s house until we were admitted to the Great Cumulus of Sigroom, the antechamber of our eternal dominion. Dad’s words were like flashes in the night of that uncreated intelligence. Achieving his understanding required a profound knowledge of the strange constitution of those eternal forces and a steel temper in the bowels.

The Great Gnolaum spoke to the dark of his opposite, the ocean of matter. In Sigroom we were exposed during a long period to the ocean of inert matter. In that wasteland of absolute solitude, where unorganized barren matter absorbs everything, we retained the humidity of Telim’s house. The humidity of its root are its laws and conventions encapsulated in the ordinances. The root of Telim is capable of vivifying any intelligence that is grafted onto the cultivated tree of Telim. In this way we demonstrated in Sigroom that we could take light and truth everywhere, even to the absolutely impersonal.

It wasn’t easy, but my husband… your father is persuasive, with great courage to endure the dark eye he scrutinizes. Dad showed him the benignity, gentleness and sincere love of our lineage (3) and sustained that effort for almost a year without interruption. The dark one is frightened of such emotions, he does not understand them. It takes great faith to calm the storm of their demands. But your father learned and prepared for that feat long before you were born, when you were just an unnamed breath rocking in the dark waters.

It was on this beach that I looked at him day after day without knowing when it would end. But he is the Great Gnolaum, he is peerless.
Until one afternoon the dark waters bathed his feet and from then on the dark ocean is our most faithful ally. Impressed with us and our lineage, he comes to our call like the moth to the light.»

—2—

I knew that my mother was by his side on the shore for almost a year, but Jana adored my father and concentrated her words only on him. I knew it was a unique moment and decided to ask all the questions that I had inside of me and that I didn’t ask out of modesty. That afternoon my mother Jana watched as my father moved away towards the horizon of the dark with thoughtful eyes. I noticed that gap in the prudence he used in all matters of lineage. And I asked.

— So the dark ocean is more powerful than us?

My mother came out of her rapture and looked at me in surprise. She realized she was talking about things she never said. For a moment I doubted whether I would end the conversation abruptly. Looking at me for a few seconds he turned his head, his black braid over his shoulder, towards the horizon. I knew that from now on a door would open and not a crack in his attention.

— The dark ocean of intelligence is impersonal, we speak of it, but there is none, although in your dealings you must attribute emotions to it. Otherwise you would fall into his nets, he would destroy your human form and you would return to his waters. The dark one is greedy with his black waters, but he does not know what to do with them. He is only able to contemplate himself and create nameless little fish like you were. That is why since time immemorial, lineages present their knowledge on the shores to give intelligence beauty and form, life and agency.

The dark one cannot resist the impulse to come out of his deep bed and observe himself in the works of the Gods. It requires mastery to alter its substance and give it the proposed form. It can only be maintained by persuasion, long-suffering, benignity, meekness, and sincere love (4). Before those lights that shine in his eternal night, he submits himself to the covenants and their shores do not go beyond what has been agreed.

— Is that what Yahave does in the creative rooms?

She smiled without looking at me, seemed satisfied with my question

— Yahave is the firstborn, he will do many things… but you, when you are Master Alterator, will go to the creation halls with your alteration team. There you will present yourselves to the dark one for the first time; you will show him the premises of our lineage. Then he will watch you with the dark eye that scrutinizes. That will be the moment where you will show your consistency. The form that I and Dad gave you in the holy ordinance will be put to the test.

When you meet him he will recognize you and will want to recover that little fish that slept in his waters. But he will see that he has become the bet image of his parents, that he is no longer under their waters but under the covenant. He will be astonished that from his formless waters an intelligent soul emerges, but pacts bind him. He can only enjoy marvelling at the touch of his dark eye, looking at and questioning your human form. Even when your substance comes from his bed, remember that, although for us darkness prevails over the face of the abyss, the Spirit of the Gods covers the face of the waters.(5)

The dark one will try to get you to go back to his breast and dilute you, he’ll put you to the test. But you will cling to the premises of our house. Thus you will show the great value of the sons and daughters of our lineage. You must learn and work hard to maintain your human form by knowing it. That’s what we call enduring the gaze.

—3—

Then my mother kept quiet. I sensed a movement within her, the agitation of emotions struggling to get out. But she is Jana, her home is that of the great flash. He who would begin an eternal cycle, she alone was entrusted with the beginning of the expansion. Her neatness and restraint of character was adequate for the perfect calculation of the great flash. But on that evening of sunset, when my father disappeared on the horizon, something was boiling in his soul. Calmly but glowing in his eyes the flames of knowledge, he took me by the hand and led me to a room in front of the dark. He spoke to me again

— If you endure the gaze of the dark, you will obtain the permanent form of our lineage. And this will be a bond with us that nothing can destroy. Moron when you go to Earth your soul will be tested by another dark one who will not want to test you but destroy you. He will want to annul our kinship, what papa and I gave you. You will have to be as strong as in the dark waters…

She, Jana, the owner of innumerable worlds, feted by lineages whose members carried more than a hundred rings in their hands, renamed in the Sigroom cluster, mentioned in Madan’s chronicles as an example of power and mercy. She who only appears in the Assembly of the Gods of the West receives the inclination of the exalted up to the first and second cycle of the levante of the creators. Jana who will sing the beginning of time, who to a beat of her voice will emerge the matter vivified by the dark. She, my mother, took my hand and said to me

— Little turtle tell me you’re coming home…

His eyes were full of stars

…tell me you’ll go back to the edge of the house. Papa and I will be here and we will run when you arrive. We will take you with Yahave and together we will sail the dark and we will show you the eternal beaches, without number.
You will step on the sands of Lisandor-Toban shining like stars, where each grain is a voice of joy, you will caress your feet and listen to the melodies of their thoughts. You will take the fruits of exalted trees in the worlds of Yahomma, fruits full of knowledge, will give you new thoughts never harvested by anyone, sought only for you. Lying on his trunk will take you to his slow world of wisdom.

You will see wonders, you will know beings without end, glorified. They will dance of joy around you when they see you coming with your father. You will know their lives, their achievements and receive the first ring of your inheritance. The one we have kept for you since the day we brought you from the dark waters. That day when you looked at us for the first time in wonder. Then you will see the worlds we govern and their inhabitants. You will be like a light in their countenances and they will fill you with joy and glory.
But tell me you’ll come back little turtle, through the waves, through the currents. Tell me that you will never doubt who you are…»

—4—

I was shocked, I know she was my mother, but never until that moment can you imagine all that was inside her. There were countless of us and at that moment I knew that his love was for each one of us and that idea stunned me, it was incomprehensible to me.
But at that moment I was overcome with an infinite yearning to please her in order to assure her that I would return. Anyway I had to go back and find them again… my father and my mother. But when I fleetingly looked at the dark ocean to my right, I understood the challenge.

— How can I return? I’m terrified of the dark, I try not to make you realize it. But I fear the day I come as Alterator to its shore, I fear that it will dissolve me in its waters. If on Earth it will be even more difficult, how can I?

Then my mother took my other hand and held them with hers. There can’t be anything bigger in my mind than that moment. I can’t conceive any more. Those hands that have been and done the unimaginable. Facts which cannot be described and which will not be recorded in Madan’s chronicles, because they cannot be expressed in any language. Then he said to me
— Go to Pikamon, next to the persevering column, near the second arch of the House of Silam.

I was going to ask him what would be there. But I did not, it was not appropriate. His presence imposed its own label. I said goodbye to her and headed for Pikamon’s colonnade.

The contrast between the words and the wonderful face of my mother and behind her the dark ocean and my fears provoked a turbulent movement inside me. Antagonistic forces collided in the center of my chest. And in that tempest I was oblivious as I walked to the beautiful plains of Sinabea, to the proud arches of the ages of Silam. High as the sky and engraved on them in an ascending spiral, the names of their inhabitants, of those eras consumed in time. Those who lived in already extinct worlds and who have followed the chosen path in their second state.

In that anguish I arrived in Pikamón I passed the column of intent and approached the column that perseveres. They were majestic and provoked a sensation of reverence. They were not simple columns, they radiated the glory of Kólob as water jets.

—5—

Then I saw Yahave. Standing at the base of the persevering one, he was teaching something I didn’t hear.

My brother Yahave is the spitting image of my father. He is of calm and cheerful gestures. He always encourages and encourages. When he looks at you, he sees beyond you and speaks to you as if you were reaching the horizon. When you tell him a problem he puts his arm on your shoulder, if you get discouraged he bends over your face and looking at you from below, it makes you feel taller. If you are cheerful he asks you to tell him, if you are sad he keeps silent and waits. When you see it you feel that everything will be fine. When you get close to him you know that it is a good way and if you go away, you miss him.
There is no doubt that he does not answer nor time badly spent in our teaching.

I didn’t realize it until then. It was the answer to my question. My mother addressed me to him. All this time I have seen him, but it was because of Jana’s masterful touch that I now knew.

I knew he was accompanying my father to his personal abode. I was certain that Yahave knew the source of power, drank from my father’s hand in the waters of life, and knows the intimacy of pacts and their actors in our lineage. He is the firstborn; in his character and temperance there is an accumulation of light and truth and that light has become more and more resplendent in him until it shines perfectly.(6) Yet he is the humblest and meekest of us, he is the link between the justice of the dark and the kindness of our fathers.

At that moment I understood and there was light inside of me. I understood that Yahave, the firstborn opened the dark ocean matrix for our lineage. I knew that the quality of his intelligence and the intensity of the light in him was part of the covenant. He is the offering of the dark, he is the purest intelligence of the dark ocean. Offered in painful detachment by one who does not feel to seal the covenant with my Father’s kingdom. It is the firstfruits of eternity for our family. He grew up in the bosom of my father, confidant of all knowledge, advanced in all discipline, steeped in a permanent exposure to light and truth, our third ally. Accepted by the uncreated and honored by the lineages. I knew it in that instant and I was paralyzed.

When he saw me arrive, he looked at me with attention for a few moments. He smiled softly, approached me and I experienced the radiation of his goodness like a flame that burned me. With a familiar affection, with a playful gesture in his gaze, he said to me.

— Hello little turtle, come with me, I’ll tell you how to return.

And began to burn my chest.